Sunday, November 22, 2009


I got dragged by a friend to a folk dancing event on the streets. It was a joyful event. Some people were watching the folk dance, kids are playing all around, some people were buying and some just doing their own thing.

We managed to squeeze in front of the stage where gypsies were dancing. Gypsy girls were dancing. I think it was a dozen of them swaying and singing with the beat. But there was this last girl, the center of attraction.

She was not like any of the women who were dancing. She had a veil that covered her face. She was the most peculiar woman I have ever seen. She was dancing among the girls not caring who were watching her. Her hair went everywhere and anywhere it could possibly reach. I wondered how she could dance so gracefully with layers and layers of cloth on her skin. I wish I can take it of one by one so I could see her dance showing all of her curves.

She danced and she danced in my heart and in my mind. It was as if she was dancing on hot stones barefooted. I watched as she blurred all the images around her until she was the only one I could see. She danced with the fever of the moon glowing behind her back. She swayed perfectly with the beat, the beat of my heart.

With that last step, she took her last pose. The veil on her face was drawn back by the force of her turn. Of all the directions she could have turned, she faced me. It was if the planets, the moon and the sun aligned together.

They were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. It was as if they have their own soul. Her eyes were like burning emeralds. They were as green as they can be.

Next thing I knew I was chasing her. I thought someone was calling me but it did not matter. I had to know her name! Pushing everyone aside, I raced to catch her, to call her by her name. Just before she reached her cabin, I managed to grab her wrist. I would not dare to hold to it too tightly, I am afraid I would break it into two. Her skin was so soft and had the color of hazel nut brown. I had to pause to catch my breath. I have to hurry before she takes her hand away. With one breath, I managed to say, “Name?” Then I looked at her.

Those eyes, those burning green eyes looked at me burning my soul deep inside. Then, she smiled so softly and whispered, “Allialah.”

I let go. It was too much even for me. “Allialah,” I knew it would follow me forever. I knew I would never forget.

The Apartment

Where am I?

I tried to open my eyes but the light outside is too bright. My eyes couldn’t adjust. I tried opening them again, still the same.

I’ll just close my eyes just for awhile before opening them again.

This time, I tried lifting my body up. Pang! Argh. My muscles started to ache. I couldn’t move my body properly. I had no choice but to lie down. I’ll try again later.

Where am I? I guess I am lying on a bed. Who’s bed? Do I really want to know? I haven’t really slept at other people’s place yet…

I shifted my concentration back on getting my eyes open and when I do, I’ll try to sit down. I tried opening my eyes again, this time, slower. After this attempt, at last, I was able to open them although everything looked blurry. I tried reaching anything from my right. I happened to spill something. I tried rubbing my eyes hoping that my vision would clear.

How long have I been sleeping?

I can now make out the lines on the ceiling.

Ahh… The ceiling of my apartment. Thank God I am in my apartment and no one else’s. It is kind off color yellow though. Judging by the color, I think it is either the break of dawn or the sun is just setting.

I closed my eyes again. The blare of the speakers, the dance beat, the amazing light beams. People were dancing, jumping and screaming. I opened my eyes again. Everything seems to be clearer than anything before. I was at a rave last night with-

A sound coming from the window to my left distracted my line of thought. It was the sound of the LRT passing by. It happens ever so often. My apartment is beside the noisy train.

I muster all my might to try and sit down. I ignored all my body pains. I wanted to sit down. Once I did, I scanned the room: Untidy bed sheets, the spilled liquid a while ago, clothes all over the apartment and unwashed plates rotting in the sink are all there. It felt like they were waiting for me clean them up, tidy those things and put them back to their proper places. My apartment. My very own lonely apartment.

It wasn’t like this. It used to be pretty, neat but I think everything just got out of hand. I closed my eyes in pain. My heart, it was pounding so loudly. It felt like it would rip apart chest anytime. Everything in this apartment used to clean, in their proper places and warm. It was warm with your presence, warm with my smile and warm with contentment.

I took another look at this dirty apartment. I started to hold my tears back. I rubbed my eyes with my palms. My hands went through the ruffled bed sheet. I grabbed the blanket at my feet. I brought it to close to my face. I took a deep breath. It smelled so much like you. It still clung to your smell even it was weeks ago since you stayed here. This time, I could not stop these tears anymore. I was sobbing.

This apartment used to be filled with love. This bed was our witness. Every cold night, we warmed it up together. Nothing else mattered here on this bed but our minds and bodies. Look at it now, the warmth was replaced with these cold sheets and nothing to look forward to. I wiped my tears with the blanket. I threw the blanket to the ground.

How many weeks has it been like this? Each and every time I remembered you. This is the reason why this apartment is at its state- cold, motionless, alone.

Everything makes me want to sleep them all away. I felt drowsy. I couldn’t fight this feeling, this hopelessness. It has to end… somehow. I rested my head back to the piled pillows behind me. My eye lids were dropping…

After a few minutes, I felt something. Something was shaking my bed. Was I delusional? Or is that demons were shaking my bed? I jolted my head up. I searched the bed if there was something that was shaking my bed. At the edge of the bed just to my right, there was something that was turning and shaking my bed. It was my cell phone. The light was flickering from it, turning and turning.

I guess someone is calling. Who could it be? Could it be the call I have waiting for all these weeks? May be… just may be it is. A spark of hope lit up inside of me.

I hurried to answer the call. Just before I did, the spark of hope got bigger and bigger as my distance became closer and closer. And just before I got a hold my phone, the excitement was too much for me to bear. And that excitement was extinguished altogether with the hope a while ago. I read the name, the hope and excited just blew away.

“hello? Hey cuz!”

I couldn’t find my voice.

“What’s up? Last night was a blast!”

I tried my hardest to answer but no voice came out.

“Are you ready for another great night tonight?”

This time I answered in a husky voice.


And I was cut off.

“Whoa! Are you alright? You sound awful cuz’.”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Do you still want to go? ‘Coz you know we can reschedule anytime. Your call.”

I giggled at the thought that my cousins cared so much for me. They really looked after me even though I was a piece of work. Every weekend night was our party night for the past few weeks. As long as we were together, we were great. Night after night after night. Week after week after week.

“Well… Let’s call it a night”

Can I take it?

“Are you sure?”

I took a deep breath then answered

“Yes. I am sure”

“You know you can count on us anytime.”

“I know. I’ll see you soon. Oh and yeah-


“I love you, the both of you.”

“We know. And you’ll also do this for us when the time comes. We love you cuz. Bye.”


And with that, it felt like I was greatly relived. The pain and anger I have been dragging around all week came off. I finally started to move my body with ease. I think I can now stand properly and clean this mess I made in my apartment.

With all my might, I stood up. It was wobbly at first but I was able to adjust quite quickly. I started picking things up, placing things back in their places the way they were.

This time, this apartment wasn’t the one who grew cold; it was me shrugging everything off my shoulders.

Putting Meaning Into Nothing

Do you simply hate it
uneasiness of life

Do you simply avoid it
pain of being alive

Do you over do it
not having to call it life

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Seven Deadly Sins After a Breakup

Author's notes: Well, this is kind off my first time I wrote a short story and it was written a very long time ago (2007?) Hope you like it. (I am just reposting this from my multiply account)

Coming home once again after a long day...

I opened the door...

Oh, hello Wrath. I thought you already left when I told him I understood everything. No? You say it was Pride that spoke for me? Are you sure? Well, I guess I will never understand.
Have you seen Pride? You say Pride is with Envy in the kitchen? Ok... I'll run into them sooner or later.

I went into my living room. Put my things down the floor then looked into the mirror at my right.
My reflection.
Envy, together with pride stood beside me looking at my reflection.

Hello Envy, hello Pride. You two have been bonding lately haven't you? Don't look at me like that. Every one of your sisters knew what happened. Yes, I know that you know that I want to be her. I wish to be her. I know he cannot take me back. Yeah, I saw her accidentally on his computer. No, I bet she is better than me. Yes, I know it is up to me what can happen that is why I am putting a safe distance between us. ThisisS for the better. For the both of us.

Walking to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Sits in front of the television then eats.

No, this is what I want to eat. Sweets, chocolates, and more comfort foods. I am sure Gluttony will agree with me.
HEY! Is this an interrogation group? Go AWAY! Don't all of you have something better to do? GO AWAY!

Pride and Envy leaves.
Gluttony saw the food and happily joins me.
Greed passes by.

Greed, where do you think you are going? Come and keep me company while Gluttony eats.
I want to forget the feeling as soon as possible. Yes, you know that I want him for myself. But what else can I do? There is nothing that I can do. Even if I try to win him back. Nothing will be the same. I don't think you understand Greed. I must share him. It is simply not the same as wanting a toy... No, not the same. I can't take this anymore.

Closes the TV.

Eat what is left Gluttony. Go to where you were going Greed sorry for interrupting.

Greed leaves.
Gluttony was left to eat what was left on the table.
I go up to rest.

Lust, get out of my bed. I am tired. MOVE IT!

Sees Wrath.

Have you been following me Wrath? I am tired Lust please get out of my bed. No, I don't need you right now. No, I am not ashamed of you. Yes I do miss him Wrath. So much. No, Lust it's wrong to be with you right now.

Pushes away Lust and Wrath out of the room.

Good night and go some place else.

Closes the door.
Lies down.
Sees Sloth at the corner of the room.

Oh Sloth... Come here.. Did I scare you? Come here and give me a hug. I plan to cry all night. I bet he won't miss me. I bet he won't care. He has another. Now, look what he leaves me behind. I have to deal with seven beautiful sisters of Sin. How long do you think I will last? Can I take this pain? Yes, your right, it's quite tiring to think. I am quite tired. Maybe we'll not deal with this again tomorrow. But I guess I will also be seeing him tomorrow. Then, it will start all over again....