Love or None at All

A friend once asked me, "If you get to choose between 2 people, (scenario 1) would you choose someone you love but that someone does not love you back? Or (scenario 2) would you choose someone who loves you but you do not love in return?" Though question huh.

My first answer, without thinking, would have been to scenario 1. Who would not like to be a martyr in this day and age? Who would pass-up for the chance to make a person fall head-over-heels in love with you? If you asked me 10 years ago, in a heartbeat surely picking this person would have been my answer. But, you do not get to pass elementary, high school and college without getting crashed and burned a few times in love.

Yes, you guessed it. Once upon a time, I used to love someone like that. Sad to say, in the end, Person A liked someone else better than me. So I had to say good bye. Not so sad now that I summarized it in three sentences. I skipped the drama, the crying, the pinning down for this guy and ultimately begging not to leave me. The humiliation, the hurt and the pain I felt at that time does not feel worth waiting for this guy to love me in return. This relationship blossomed to bitterness, resentment and the most important one is wisdom. Wisdom not to choose someone who does not love you in return.

Which leaves us to our second scenario. Surely by now you would have guessed that I gave the 2nd scenario as my choice, but I could not. How could I? It was still similar to scenario 1, it is just that this time Person A in my story a while ago would be replaced by me.

May be there was this chance that I could love this person in return. That slim chance. That ray of sun shine for the both of us. Alas, it did not happen. Yes people. Crash and burn number two. I could not return the love even if I wanted too. I could not lie to his face and tell him the three words he wanted to hear. I liked him, but not enough to define as love. My heart was in agony. A few months passed, our relationship became a whisper in the background. An insignificant fly on the wall. Just there. Until one of us decides to kill it. 

I killed it. 

Swatted that flicker of fondness to smithereens - smashed and crushed until it became too broken to repair. Remember person A? Yes, I killed it by running away with Person A (who did not actually loved me).

And there you have a perfect triangle with me in the middle and 2 guys from my past. Such a perfect scenario for the question my friend was asking. Who was better than the other? Let me be the one to ask you this time, which would you choose? Then, hold that thought.

I smiled to myself. I knew the answer to this tricky question.

Let me point you back to my title to complete the full circle - Love or none at all. 

Dear reader, do not think that because you were only presented with 2 choices that the third choice is not an option. You always have a third option.

Why not pick someone? This would be my third and last story to share my dear readers. I like you to meet this guy who, I like to assume, loves me the best in the world. I was damn lucky that he loved me during my hurt, understood I needed space and waited for me until I was ready to give love another shot. I did not write this to boast how perfect our relationship is. Trust me, it is not. But sharing more than 5 years (and counting) together has been a wonderful experience even with our ups and downs. 

I said to my friend, "I pick no one. I do not want someone I do not love nor do I want someone that does not return my love. I will not settle for less than I deserve." 

Yes, you deserve to love and be loved in return. No ifs, no buts.

Taking Chances

by Molly McAdams

Summary (from GoodReads):

Eighteen year old Harper has grown up under her career Marine of a father's thumb. Ready to live life her own way and experience things she's only ever heard of from the jarheads in her father's unit; she's on her way to college at San Diego State University. 

Thanks to her new roommate, Harper is introduced to a world of parties, gorgeous guys, family and emotions. Some she wasn't expecting yet, and others she never knew she was missing.

She finds herself being torn in two as she quickly falls in love with her boyfriend Brandon, and her roommate's brother Chase. Covered in tattoos, known for fighting in the Underground and ridiculously muscled...they're exactly what she was always warned to stay away from, but just what she needs. Despite their dangerous looks and histories, both adore and would do anything for Harper, including stepping back if it means she's happy. 

Her first year away is turning out to be near perfect, but one weekend of giving in to heated passion will change everything.

--------------------------

I didn't like this book. Seriously. I with all of the reviews here, I thought this would be like Beautiful Disaster and hoping it would be better

At first, it was ok and I was thinking of giving it a 3 star rating even if it reminded me so much of Beautiful Disaster but I still continued to read that the author might include a twist or two. But as I turn each page, it just became too draggy. The rating just went downhill from there. It just did not get my attention. In the middle of the book, I just skimmed and scanned most of the story hurrying to finish it. I felt like I wasted my time reading this book.

Generally , I did not like it because:

1. The characters are too perfect. There were no flaws. No secrets. I did not feel connected with any of them. The flow of the story was too straight. 

2. I felt like the author was too much hung up with Beautiful Disaster story plot. I felt she tried to recreate it and lengthen the story the way she would have like it to end. Where is the originality?

3. There were no character build up. I did not get to know the characters. There was no individuality. Were some of them bubbly? Angsty? Indifferent? All I know they were too love crazed to be anything else. Where were their individual personality? 

I really would not recommend you to read this if you:

1. Liked Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire. 
2. Did not like Thoughtless by S.C. Stephen

-------------------------------

I am rating this one a lonely one-star. I don't like giving these reviews. But I just felt like it was promising given the summary and other reviews I read. I really got disappointed. 

The Selection

The Selection
by Kiera Cass


Summary (from GoodReads):

For thirty-five girls, the Selection is the chance of a lifetime. The opportunity to escape the life laid out for them since birth. To be swept up in a world of glittering gowns and priceless jewels. To live in the palace and compete for the heart of the gorgeous Prince Maxon.

But for America Singer, being Selected is a nightmare. It means turning her back on her secret love with Aspen, who is a caste below her. Leaving her home to enter a fierce competition for a crown she doesn't want. Living in a palace that is constantly threatened by violent rebel attacks.

Then America meets Prince Maxon. Gradually, she starts to question all the plans she's made for herself- and realizes that the life she's always dreamed of may not compare to a future she never imagined.


--------------------------


I just knew this book would be on my favourite list! I just think this book is stellar! I love the cover. It is so eye catching. I just knew I have got to have this book. I was so excited when it was released. From the cover I knew that it would be something revolving around prince and princesses.  I am such a sucker for these kinds of stories.


The book has such a simple plot. It seems like a game show where you display 35 girls in a line and you get to fall in love and pick one. Ofcourse from there the author needs to get creative on how she will twist the story. Generally I felt like this book was published to get the feel of the setting, the caste system, the royal family, the kingdom, and what troubles the kingdom faces.


I did love America's character. She is a simple girl that clamours for romance and true love with a good sense of responsibility. She is a breeze to get to know. 


Although, I did notice a few things about this book. While I was reading it, I really thought that it looked to me that it is somewhat similar to The Hunger Games. there are some sort of similarities you will not miss if you've read the book. Such as the use of media. Although the media here does not take a big role in the book unlike in the Hunger Games, you will still get the feel that it was somehow influenced (just a little bit). There is also an issue on the caste system where it is represented by a number (1 being the highest and 8 being the lowest). They are allowed to have specific jobs depending on the number.


I also found the love triangle kind off a bore. Aspen's character is a little weird. One minute he is the perfect BF, the other he is like a prideful male. How confusing can you get? While on the other hand, Prince Maxon is such a dream boat. Too much of a gentleman. too much of a prince. It almost feel like he does not have a character at all. He is just too good to be true.
---------------------------


Overall, I cannot wait for the next book! I am giving this 4 out of 5 stars! I definitely have high hopes for this series. As I said, I feel like this book is more of an overview where direction the author wants to go.

Vampire Empire Book One: The GreyFriar

Vampire Empire

Book One: The GreyFriar

By Clay Griffith and Susan Griffith

Summary (from GoodReads):

Vampire predators run wild in this exciting steampunk adventure, the first in an alternate history trilogy that is already attracting attention. In 1870, monsters rise up and conquer the northern lands, As great cities are swallowed up by carnage and disease, landowners and other elite flee south to escape their blood-thirsty wrath. 

One hundred fifty years later, the great divide still exists; fangs on one side of the border, worried defenders on the other. This fragile equilibrium is threatened, then crumbles after a single young princess becomes almost hopelessly lost in the hostile territory. At first, she has only one defender—a mysterious Greyfriar who roams freely in dangerous vampire regions.

-----------------------

I have been itching to write a review for this book while reading it.

There are quite a few things that I must comment. At first, it was hard for me to follow the flow of the story. I am not acquainted with aristocracy details such as positions within the government. I also had a hard time with the detailed descriptions of the whole setting especially about the airships. For me, it was a little information overload. But everything was necessary to build up the setting and the story which blossomed something beautiful.

Descriptions of the settings as well as the action are quite cinematic. I have no doubt that it would make an awesome movie to see it come to life.

I love the intricate details in the story (even if I had a hard time understanding them). I think the flow of the story is nicely done - very consistent as well as unpredictable.  For the plot, I think, is finely laid out. You can feel that the plot of the story slowly untangles itself as you read it.

It is hard for me to describe the characters in the book without spoiling some of the story but I will try and will keep it brief. For the characters, in general, they were constructed to evolve through the events happening within the book.  

--- Spoiler alert ---

I stumbled upon this book because I was looking for steampunk romance novels, which, surprised me, why this book is in the steampunk genre. Well, yes it used steamed airships, in the Victorian era and wielded advance technology but the technology is not very advanced like nanobots and that stuff like The Iron Duke series. True, I have not yet explored in depth steampunk novel and I am dying to do so. I would not say I am an expert to not categorize it in steampunk genre.

I would also say that it is not the typical YA novel. Unlike what I am used to, thank God, at least the main character (Adele) is not compelled to love Grayfriar because of a gut feeling. The love between them was developed through spending time with each other as well as saving each other’s lives which I will point out is flat-out romantic. It is not cheesy giddy romantic but enough to make you coo. The authors also gave an idea that Adele might consider caring for her Intended. It is good to keep the main character’s options open.  

The juxtapose characters of Gareth and Greyfriar is genius. It is like Prince turned to Robin Hood and vice versa. The idea is simple but it made the hero a whole more dramatic.

----------------------

I love books where I am left second guessing myself and keep me on the edge. I give it 5 dancing stars! This series is definitely going to my favorites list

Becoming (Daughters of Saraquel, book one)
by Raine Thomas

Summary (From Raine Thomas' website) :

Every three years, Amber Hopkins explodes. Okay, not a blown-to-smithereens explosion, but whatever it is always hurts like hell and leaves her life a shambles. She’s already worked her way through five foster placements, and she’s doing whatever she can to avoid getting blasted into a sixth.

As her eighteenth birthday approaches and she feels the strange and powerful energy building, disaster looms. When the inevitable explosion occurs, her life gets its biggest shakeup yet. She’ll not only learn how her fellow foster and best friend, Gabriel, really feels about her, but she’ll discover that she isn’t really without family.

To top it all off, she’ll finally find out why she’s having the power surges: she isn’t entirely human.

Amber must Become, transitioning to another plane of existence and risking the loss of the most important relationship she’s ever had. Her choice will impact the future of an entire race of beings, and will pit her against an enemy that will prey upon her doubt to try and take her very life.

Kind of makes the explosions now seem like a cakewalk.

-----------------

What can I say? This book is just amazing. It got me smiling the moment I read the 1st few chapters. I am such a sucker for cheesy love stories, for the love that leaps through a parallel world and for a  love that is bounded by trust.

This book focuses on the eldest daughter of Saraquel, Amber. Then the next books would be for the succeeding daughters. But in  this book, the other 2 were also introduced. Which brings me to the narrative mode that the author used is the third-person view. Honestly, it is a little confusing jumping from describing one from the other. May be I'm just not used to the 3rd person POV.

------- spoiler alert ---------
The best scene for me was when Amber and Gabriel exchanged promise rings! GOSH! When I was reading this book I was in total high! I kept giggling on all of the sweet scenes between Amber and Gabriel. I do not know about other girls, but I think it would be amazing to have someone special that you can have a connection with like they have.

The Estilorian:
Well, the author made a whole new civilization with different classifications. These classes have different jobs and can be distinguished by the color of their wings and eyes. I will not discuss the different classifications and their jobs. There is a whole page for them explained by the author herself in her website that can be found here if you are interested. The people living there or should I say Estilorians description are more on angelic like. They have wings, they fly, they have different powers and they look young even if they tend to live forever.

Another thing I liked in the story is how beings that are living in Estilorian do not have strong emotions. Who are the most fit to teach them but the 3 young girls that are half-Estilorian and half-human? I have watched and read too many anime and manga that this kind-off story line is not new for me. But it still grabs my attention from time to time that half-something and half-human are always significant.

----------------------------

I noticed that in GoodReads there aren't many ratings regarding this book. It is such a nice book. I highly recommend you to read it. I am looking forward in reading the next two books which would be my goal for the weekend and will try to write a review about them. I am giving this a 4 out of 5 stars that I will most likely read it again in the future.

Quite interesting is that this author is publishing independently. I give my salute!

Starcrossed

Starcrossed
by Josephine Angelini

I usually start with a neat summary copied from GoodReads but sometimes I think the summary is not good enough to paste here. Let me be a little unconventional and give my review/summary all together.

This all started with ordinary Helen Hamilton living in a small island called Nantucket who does not like attention and has this kick-ass best friend. As this would normally start with YA plots. Nothing special really. Until, well, news spreads that there is a new family moving in their island. Then she gets all angsty and the story begins.

------------ Spoiler Alert -------------

Honestly, I felt that the story did not begin while there were 3 furies infuriating Helen and Lucas because they were in a different House.  I would say the story really began after they were able to banish the Furies by saving each other. Well that would it was 200 pages worth of boringness while the author describes how angry Helen is with Lucas each and every time. Although I did appreciate at the end why the author described the hate with other houses only at the near end of the book. Which, I told myself, makes sense. I just did not appreciate it in the beginning because I got so lost. I did not understand why the events were happening. Why Helen was so angry with Lucas over and over again. Or why Lucas' family were hostile/semi-hostile to Helen.

And then we go to the good parts! The good parts started when Helen and Lucas stated to develop feelings for each other. Not only that, it was also the time when the author started to explain what is really happening in between. Why certain events turned out this way and that. Like what are the Furies' role, the inhuman strengths, flying, etc. This is where really the ball starts rolling and the part where you say "AHHH THAT'S WHY." And one of my favourite parts is how the author mix and matches Greek mythology and recent civilization.

Since my friend introduced me with Percy Jackson & the Olympians, I got supper obsessive with similar plot lines. So I find it interesting how an author will connect the dots and mash them together to form a coherent story line and mix it with our contemporary setting. Truth be told, I have not read many books in this genre. I have read more angel related fantasy novels than Greek mythology. I love Rick Riordan's works that is why I am saving Heroes of Olympus and Kane Chronicles until they have a few more books 'coz I like to read them all at the same time.

Well, anyway, what I found interesting about the Greek myth stuff is that the author connected it with the Trojan war. I am not a Greek myth geek but from what I read there is not much gods involvement. So far, they are more like sperm donors and left their children to go forth and procreate then they leave you alone with unnatural god-like powers. Which is definitely an ok thing for me. A breath of fresh air. Something different. I am just not sure how the story will progress for the next books.

I would have given this book a 2 out of 5 stars because of how it started. But, I really liked how the plot twisted at the end. It was very interesting. Which means, I will be looking forward to the next book coming out this year. Cheers! 3 out of 5 stars.

I am looking for more books in this kind of genre. Greek myth-romance-adventure kind-of-ish. I you have a good book to suggest do not hesitate to comment. Thanks in advance!

Fateful

Fateful
by Caludia Gray

Summary:

A tragic tale about falling in love on the world’s most infamous ill-fated sea voyage as heroine, Tess, discovers darker secrets that lie beneath the doomed crossing… and a hidden brotherhood that threaten to tear her lover from her forever. 

The RMS Titanic is the most luxurious ship ever built, but for eighteen-year-old Tess Davies it’s a prison. Travelling as a maid for the family she has served for years, Tess is trapped in their employ amid painful memories and family secrets. 

When she meets Alec, a handsome upper class passenger, Tess falls helplessly in love. But Alec has secrets of his own… and soon Tess is entangled in a dangerous game. A sinister brotherhood that will do anything to induct Alec into their mystical order has followed him onboard. And Tess is now their most powerful pawn. 

Tess and Alec fight the dark forces threatening to tear them apart, never realising that they will have to face an even greater peril before the journey is over… 

-----------------------------

My take:

I was looking for a nice book that depicts social standing difference with romance. I stumbled upon this book from links and links. I forgot where. I read that it was nice and I gave it a shot.

I would say the book is ok. I am not really a fan of warewolves love stories so I deviate from them. It also felt like the warewolf part is too forced. I was expecting more social conflict or more tension in the main characters' relationship. It just went too smoothly too fast.

What I liked in the book is Tess' character. She is strong, has dreams and thinks for herself. I relate more to characters like these. I like these kinds of characters who are bad-assed. She knows when to fight and she knows when to back down. I enjoyed how she interacts with other minor characters in the book and how her character was developed.

I was able to finish this book (skimmed and scanned a few parts). It is just an ok book for me. May be I just don't appreciate warewolf romance stuff. I am giving this 2 out of 5 stars.

Five Flavors of Dumb

by Anthony John

Summary (from GoodReads):

The Challenge: Piper has one month to get the rock band Dumb a paying gig.


The Deal: If she does it, Piper will become the band's manager and get her share of the profits.


The Catch: How can Piper possibly manage one egomaniacal pretty boy, one talentless piece of eye candy, one crush, one silent rocker, and one angry girl? And how can she do it when she's deaf?


Piper can't hear Dumb's music, but with growing self-confidence, a budding romance, and a new understanding of the decision her family made to buy a cochlear implant for her deaf baby sister, she discovers her own inner rock star and what it truly means to be a flavor of Dumb

-------------------

I promised one review per week. Then I did not have access to internet at home to do it that frustrated me for a while then  I forgot it altogether. 

Here goes nothing. 

-------------------

My Take:

The main theme is finding the Piper's identity as well as the band's. There is not much romance going on in this book like I am used to in romance and YA themes. I guess the author wanted to focus more on music than the romance side. But there are subtle hints of romantic interests which made the story interesting. 

Another appeal of this book is the music and the band. If you were one of those youth really really had passion in music, I  think you would easily relate on how the band wanted to create music and be heard. I guess I was able to relate because music is a big part of my life. I know how music becomes my release and sometimes I forget about it. Which Piper's character made me remember how I appreciate music and the artists that created them.

I honestly did not read the summary before reading this book. So the main character being deaf took me by surprise. I got worried that it might not have conversations in this book. But once I got started the ball kept on rolling. Piper being deaf and her having no knowledge in music I think is very symbolic. This is because I think no matter who you are, disabled, rich, poor or whatever, you can appreciate music. It touches hearts like no other and changes lives like it did in Piper's.

If you want a bedside story read, this is a good book that will keep you interested. It is not much of a hardcore reading but I enjoyed it as well. I am giving it a 3 out of 5 stars.

Chocolate Back in Business

Nothing beats reviving your old blog! 


When I made this site, I thought I would be able to fill it with my made-up poem, stories, etc... Guess it did not happen. I have a couple that you can sift through the old blog posts if someone would be interested.


Well anyway, since that plan didn't materialized... I thought what I could do with this blog page is, well, make a few book reviews. This year I got so into reading Young Adult novels.It would not hurt to share some of my insights for a few book or two. I'm also excited to do this because I will have an outlet where I can pour out my feelings and thoughts in a certain book.


Expect from me themes such as Young Adult, Romance, Dystopian, Fiction and the likes. My goal is to write one book per week. I might start a week after next week. I am planning to put up my fave list first. Then go through them one by one... or pick random books I like to review.


Looking forward to awesome books and reviews~


Oh, if you have Goodreads account please add me! I don't know anyone who does! I would really really appreciate it! So that we can share books and book recommendations.


Here is my account   http://www.goodreads.com/sly99


Thank you in advance!

Kingdom

You breached my walls
And was able to take down my fortress
But that was all.
I let you stay
And time passes
Slowly, without us noticing,
We grew apart.

I was promised a new throne,
A new kingdom.
I left you with mine.

A princess of a new kingdom.
It was fun while it lasted
And then the rain poured.
It washed away the kingdom
And left me with nothing.
I took what was left of me,
Then back to my kingdom.

You were there
Leaving the pieces of my kingdom.
I begged you to stay,
But we had to part ways.

I rebuilt my kingdom.
I took each stone and buried it as deep as I can.
It took a year.
My kingdom, rebuilt.

A stranger,
Yet he was not.
A friend,
Not only a friend.
A new face,
A new smile,
A breath of fresh air.
Fresh ideas, fresh stories.

As hard it was to rebuild,
As easy for him to take it down.
He breached my walls.
Took down my fortress.
Robbed me of my clothes.
Gave me new ones to wear.
He rebuilt my fortress
And enforced my walls, together.

My king.
The king of my kingdom.

Passing of Death

Passing of Death

(After Gaiman)

Once upon a time, there was this little girl. She had beautiful brown eyes but it was filled with sadness. She had jet back hair grown elegantly long but only a few people appreciated this. Most of all, she had porcelain skin due to the lack of sun that comes into her room. This beautiful girl had always been sickly. She never had the chance to get out of bed. She had never made friends other than the nurses, the doctors, the house keepers and her parents that took care of her. She was always looking outside the big glass window and wondered what it was like to go outside. She was told that they were rich, very rich indeed.

Hundreds of doctors examined her, from internationally acclaimed doctors to faith healers. Nothing healed her. No one had the slightest idea what was her illness. May be she was born like this just to die, a phrase she often told herself. Everyday she prayed to get better, but she never did. She had always feared Death. She knew Death was always lurking around her, waiting for the perfect moment.

The time came when Death finally visited her. Everything was dead silent. The hands of the clock stopped at half passed twelve.
“I do not want to die” she said.
But that simply cannot be, Death said.
“I have not yet set foot outside this house. I cannot even get out of this bed. How can you take me away?”
I am Death and that is it.
“Do you die?”
Alas! I cannot die, I am Death.
“Then, you ought to live forever”
A duty, none the less.
“You walk around the world. You see things I have not seen. Everyday I pray that I would get better. Everyday they tell me that I will get better and that I could, one day, play outside. I never did. Now, I never will. You do not understand how it feels like to lie here not knowing what the outside world is. You don’t die. You cannot. Then there is nothing to be feared!”
I am who I am. I cannot deny that. Death is Death.
“Then let me be Death”
You have thought about this?
“Yes. I want to be you. If I am Death, I’ll never be afraid of myself. I cannot die. I’m already Death! I will not die! I’ll be able to walk all around the world. I’ll be able to see more than I could ever imagine. I want to be Death!”
Are you sure?
“Yes. I want to be Death”
Then, I shall grant your request. When you take my hand, you will be known as Death. You are going to be bounded by the laws of the universe. You will no longer be dead or alive.
“What happens to you?”
Me? I am a mere vessel for Death. I have served my purpose and found another container. The choice has been given to you twice and you have agreed twice. There is no turning back. I command you: Take my hand and get out of that humanly body. You will deliver me to Eternity

It was as if Death’s command was the same for any other soul who was going to die, but I was changed to you, you was changed to me. The little girl took Death’s hand. She took her last breath and her soul separated from her body. Death became a soul and her soul became Death.

When one dies, Death must always deliver.
“Yes. I am now the soul that you must deliver to Eternity.”
It is the inevitable.
“A few thousand years late…”
The inevitable.

Death delivered the soul to Eternity. The hands of the clock still at half passed twelve, not a second passed by.

The little girl was not the little girl anymore. From then on, she was bound to walk earth for years and years. She got what she asked for. She no longer was sickly and had no reason to fear Death. She was Death. Death is everything and yet nothing. Death is nothing and yet everything. Death walks the Earth and oversees every living creature in it, the inevitable.

That is your last bedtime story, says death.
“Cool”, says the little boy in blue
“But we want more” says the little boy in green
“Does Death age?” says the one in blue
Well, no
“You have brown eyes, jet black hair, porcelain skin and look the same age as us!” says the one in green.
Do I?
“Yes, yes! Are you Death? You are Death! I knew it you are Death! Told you Skye! I was right!” says the boy in blue eagerly.
“Hmph! Lucky guess.” retorts the boy in green.
“Are you going to take us away?” asks the boy in blue.
Yes, it is my job and duty.
“Right now?” asks the boy in green.
I’m afraid so.
“What are we waiting for?” they said together
I command you: Take my hands and get out of that humanly body. I will deliver you to Eternity.

They had always been together, through thick and thin but mostly thin. Life has not always been good to them. Death offers two hands for the twins to grab a hold off. The two children took Death’s hands without fear and hesitation. They took their last breath and separated from their body.

To Eternity, death said.

It is said Death’s appearance changes from time to time. Those who have seen Death and lived to tell said that it looked like a little girl with brown eyes, jet black hair and porcelain skin. Some said other wise.

Gypsy

I got dragged by a friend to a folk dancing event on the streets. It was a joyful event. Some people were watching the folk dance, kids are playing all around, some people were buying and some just doing their own thing.

We managed to squeeze in front of the stage where gypsies were dancing. Gypsy girls were dancing. I think it was a dozen of them swaying and singing with the beat. But there was this last girl, the center of attraction.

She was not like any of the women who were dancing. She had a veil that covered her face. She was the most peculiar woman I have ever seen. She was dancing among the girls not caring who were watching her. Her hair went everywhere and anywhere it could possibly reach. I wondered how she could dance so gracefully with layers and layers of cloth on her skin. I wish I can take it of one by one so I could see her dance showing all of her curves.

She danced and she danced in my heart and in my mind. It was as if she was dancing on hot stones barefooted. I watched as she blurred all the images around her until she was the only one I could see. She danced with the fever of the moon glowing behind her back. She swayed perfectly with the beat, the beat of my heart.

With that last step, she took her last pose. The veil on her face was drawn back by the force of her turn. Of all the directions she could have turned, she faced me. It was if the planets, the moon and the sun aligned together.

They were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. It was as if they have their own soul. Her eyes were like burning emeralds. They were as green as they can be.

Next thing I knew I was chasing her. I thought someone was calling me but it did not matter. I had to know her name! Pushing everyone aside, I raced to catch her, to call her by her name. Just before she reached her cabin, I managed to grab her wrist. I would not dare to hold to it too tightly, I am afraid I would break it into two. Her skin was so soft and had the color of hazel nut brown. I had to pause to catch my breath. I have to hurry before she takes her hand away. With one breath, I managed to say, “Name?” Then I looked at her.

Those eyes, those burning green eyes looked at me burning my soul deep inside. Then, she smiled so softly and whispered, “Allialah.”

I let go. It was too much even for me. “Allialah,” I knew it would follow me forever. I knew I would never forget.

The Apartment

Where am I?

I tried to open my eyes but the light outside is too bright. My eyes couldn’t adjust. I tried opening them again, still the same.

I’ll just close my eyes just for awhile before opening them again.

This time, I tried lifting my body up. Pang! Argh. My muscles started to ache. I couldn’t move my body properly. I had no choice but to lie down. I’ll try again later.

Where am I? I guess I am lying on a bed. Who’s bed? Do I really want to know? I haven’t really slept at other people’s place yet…

I shifted my concentration back on getting my eyes open and when I do, I’ll try to sit down. I tried opening my eyes again, this time, slower. After this attempt, at last, I was able to open them although everything looked blurry. I tried reaching anything from my right. I happened to spill something. I tried rubbing my eyes hoping that my vision would clear.

How long have I been sleeping?

I can now make out the lines on the ceiling.

Ahh… The ceiling of my apartment. Thank God I am in my apartment and no one else’s. It is kind off color yellow though. Judging by the color, I think it is either the break of dawn or the sun is just setting.

I closed my eyes again. The blare of the speakers, the dance beat, the amazing light beams. People were dancing, jumping and screaming. I opened my eyes again. Everything seems to be clearer than anything before. I was at a rave last night with-

A sound coming from the window to my left distracted my line of thought. It was the sound of the LRT passing by. It happens ever so often. My apartment is beside the noisy train.

I muster all my might to try and sit down. I ignored all my body pains. I wanted to sit down. Once I did, I scanned the room: Untidy bed sheets, the spilled liquid a while ago, clothes all over the apartment and unwashed plates rotting in the sink are all there. It felt like they were waiting for me clean them up, tidy those things and put them back to their proper places. My apartment. My very own lonely apartment.

It wasn’t like this. It used to be pretty, neat but I think everything just got out of hand. I closed my eyes in pain. My heart, it was pounding so loudly. It felt like it would rip apart chest anytime. Everything in this apartment used to clean, in their proper places and warm. It was warm with your presence, warm with my smile and warm with contentment.

I took another look at this dirty apartment. I started to hold my tears back. I rubbed my eyes with my palms. My hands went through the ruffled bed sheet. I grabbed the blanket at my feet. I brought it to close to my face. I took a deep breath. It smelled so much like you. It still clung to your smell even it was weeks ago since you stayed here. This time, I could not stop these tears anymore. I was sobbing.

This apartment used to be filled with love. This bed was our witness. Every cold night, we warmed it up together. Nothing else mattered here on this bed but our minds and bodies. Look at it now, the warmth was replaced with these cold sheets and nothing to look forward to. I wiped my tears with the blanket. I threw the blanket to the ground.

How many weeks has it been like this? Each and every time I remembered you. This is the reason why this apartment is at its state- cold, motionless, alone.

Everything makes me want to sleep them all away. I felt drowsy. I couldn’t fight this feeling, this hopelessness. It has to end… somehow. I rested my head back to the piled pillows behind me. My eye lids were dropping…

After a few minutes, I felt something. Something was shaking my bed. Was I delusional? Or is that demons were shaking my bed? I jolted my head up. I searched the bed if there was something that was shaking my bed. At the edge of the bed just to my right, there was something that was turning and shaking my bed. It was my cell phone. The light was flickering from it, turning and turning.

I guess someone is calling. Who could it be? Could it be the call I have waiting for all these weeks? May be… just may be it is. A spark of hope lit up inside of me.

I hurried to answer the call. Just before I did, the spark of hope got bigger and bigger as my distance became closer and closer. And just before I got a hold my phone, the excitement was too much for me to bear. And that excitement was extinguished altogether with the hope a while ago. I read the name, the hope and excited just blew away.

“hello? Hey cuz!”

I couldn’t find my voice.

“What’s up? Last night was a blast!”

I tried my hardest to answer but no voice came out.

“Are you ready for another great night tonight?”

This time I answered in a husky voice.

“Yeah-

And I was cut off.

“Whoa! Are you alright? You sound awful cuz’.”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Do you still want to go? ‘Coz you know we can reschedule anytime. Your call.”

I giggled at the thought that my cousins cared so much for me. They really looked after me even though I was a piece of work. Every weekend night was our party night for the past few weeks. As long as we were together, we were great. Night after night after night. Week after week after week.

“Well… Let’s call it a night”

Can I take it?

“Are you sure?”

I took a deep breath then answered

“Yes. I am sure”

“You know you can count on us anytime.”

“I know. I’ll see you soon. Oh and yeah-

“Yeah?”

“I love you, the both of you.”

“We know. And you’ll also do this for us when the time comes. We love you cuz. Bye.”

“Bye”

And with that, it felt like I was greatly relived. The pain and anger I have been dragging around all week came off. I finally started to move my body with ease. I think I can now stand properly and clean this mess I made in my apartment.

With all my might, I stood up. It was wobbly at first but I was able to adjust quite quickly. I started picking things up, placing things back in their places the way they were.

This time, this apartment wasn’t the one who grew cold; it was me shrugging everything off my shoulders.

Putting Meaning Into Nothing

Do you simply hate it
uneasiness of life

Do you simply avoid it
pain of being alive

Do you over do it
not having to call it life

Seven Deadly Sins After a Breakup

Author's notes: Well, this is kind off my first time I wrote a short story and it was written a very long time ago (2007?) Hope you like it. (I am just reposting this from my multiply account)

Coming home once again after a long day...

I opened the door...

Oh, hello Wrath. I thought you already left when I told him I understood everything. No? You say it was Pride that spoke for me? Are you sure? Well, I guess I will never understand.
Have you seen Pride? You say Pride is with Envy in the kitchen? Ok... I'll run into them sooner or later.

I went into my living room. Put my things down the floor then looked into the mirror at my right.
My reflection.
Envy, together with pride stood beside me looking at my reflection.

Hello Envy, hello Pride. You two have been bonding lately haven't you? Don't look at me like that. Every one of your sisters knew what happened. Yes, I know that you know that I want to be her. I wish to be her. I know he cannot take me back. Yeah, I saw her accidentally on his computer. No, I bet she is better than me. Yes, I know it is up to me what can happen that is why I am putting a safe distance between us. ThisisS for the better. For the both of us.

Walking to the kitchen to get something to eat.
Sits in front of the television then eats.

No, this is what I want to eat. Sweets, chocolates, and more comfort foods. I am sure Gluttony will agree with me.
HEY! Is this an interrogation group? Go AWAY! Don't all of you have something better to do? GO AWAY!

Pride and Envy leaves.
Gluttony saw the food and happily joins me.
Greed passes by.

Greed, where do you think you are going? Come and keep me company while Gluttony eats.
I want to forget the feeling as soon as possible. Yes, you know that I want him for myself. But what else can I do? There is nothing that I can do. Even if I try to win him back. Nothing will be the same. I don't think you understand Greed. I must share him. It is simply not the same as wanting a toy... No, not the same. I can't take this anymore.

Closes the TV.

Eat what is left Gluttony. Go to where you were going Greed sorry for interrupting.

Greed leaves.
Gluttony was left to eat what was left on the table.
I go up to rest.

Lust, get out of my bed. I am tired. MOVE IT!

Sees Wrath.

Have you been following me Wrath? I am tired Lust please get out of my bed. No, I don't need you right now. No, I am not ashamed of you. Yes I do miss him Wrath. So much. No, Lust it's wrong to be with you right now.

Pushes away Lust and Wrath out of the room.

Good night and go some place else.

Closes the door.
Lies down.
Sees Sloth at the corner of the room.

Oh Sloth... Come here.. Did I scare you? Come here and give me a hug. I plan to cry all night. I bet he won't miss me. I bet he won't care. He has another. Now, look what he leaves me behind. I have to deal with seven beautiful sisters of Sin. How long do you think I will last? Can I take this pain? Yes, your right, it's quite tiring to think. I am quite tired. Maybe we'll not deal with this again tomorrow. But I guess I will also be seeing him tomorrow. Then, it will start all over again....